Baseball Hall of Shame™ Read online

  THE BASEBALL

  HALL OF SHAME™

  ALSO BY BRUCE NASH AND ALLAN ZULLO

  The Baseball Hall of Shame™

  The Baseball Hall of Shame™ 2

  The Baseball Hall of Shame™ 3

  The Baseball Hall of Shame™ 4

  The Baseball Hall of Shame’s Warped Record Book

  Baseball Confidential™

  The Fishing Hall of Shame ™

  The Football Hall of Shame™

  The Football Hall of Shame™ 2

  The Golf Hall of Shame™

  The Sports Hall of Shame™

  The Basketball Hall of Shame™

  Nash & Zullo’s Believe It or Else: Baseball Edition

  Nash & Zullo’s Believe It or Else: Basketball Edition

  THE BASEBALL

  HALL OF SHAME™

  THE BEST OF BLOOPERSTOWN

  BRUCE NASH and ALLAN ZULLO

  LYONS PRESS

  Guilford, Connecticut

  An imprint of Globe Pequot Press

  Copyright © 2012 by Nash & Zullo Productions, Inc.

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Globe Pequot Press, Attn: Rights and Permissions Department, PO Box 480, Guilford, CT 06437.

  Lyons Press is an imprint of Globe Pequot Press.

  Project editor: Meredith Dias

  Layout: Mary Ballachino

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Nash, Bruce M.

  The baseball hall of shame / Bruce Nash and Allan Zullo.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-0-7627-7845-4

  1. Baseball—United States—Humor. I. Zullo, Allan. II. Title.

  GV863.A1N36 2012

  796.357—dc23

  2011040064

  E-ISBN: 978-0-7627-8457-8

  Printed in the United States of America

  To my true blue Dodger pals Waylon Sall, William Kramer,

  and Jonathan Kramer, for inspiring me to bring back these zany

  Baseball Hall of Shame™ stories for a whole new generation of readers.

  —BRUCE NASH

  To my son-in-law Mike Gorospe, who plays baseball the way he

  lives his life—with passion, joy, honor, and grit.

  —ALLAN ZULLO

  CONTENTS

  From Cooperstown to Blooperstown

  Opening Daze

  The Most Embarrassing Opening Day Debacles

  Welcome to the Bigs!

  The Most Inauspicious Major League Debuts

  Batty Batters

  The Wackiest Plate Appearances

  Run for Your Lives!

  The Most Outrageous Baserunning Boners

  The Blights of Spring

  The Zaniest Spring Training Shenanigans

  Holey Mitts!

  The Goofiest Fielding Fiascoes

  Pranks a Lot!

  The Wildest Practical Jokes

  Snooze Plays

  The Most Mind-boggling Mental Miscues

  Every Trick in the Book

  The Sneakiest Cheating

  The Fall Follies

  The Most Atrocious World Series Screw-ups

  All Fouled Up

  The Foulest Foul Balls

  Heave Ho-hos

  The Most Inglorious Ejections

  A Mound of Trouble

  The Most Pitiful Pitching Performances

  Booing the Boo Birds

  The Most Obnoxious Fan Behavior

  Pilot Error

  The Most Outlandish Managerial Actions

  Round Trip-ups

  The Most Ridiculous Home Runs

  Pitiful Pickoffs

  The Most Boneheaded Pickoffs

  Super-Silly Superstitions

  The Nuttiest Habits and Idiosyncrasies

  Anger Mismanagement

  The Most Hotheaded Meltdowns

  Out of Left Field

  The Most Far-fetched Excuses for Missing a Game or Blowing a Play

  Turnstile Turn-offs

  The Most Undignified Ballpark Promotions

  Adding Insult to Injury

  The Most Bizarre Diamond Mishaps

  About the Authors

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  We are especially grateful to those former players who shared a few laughs with us as they recounted the inglorious but funny moments that earned them a place in The Baseball Hall of Shame™.

  For their research efforts, we wish to thank Jess Davis, Dylan King, Karen Nusbaum, and Emily Butali. In addition, we offer our gratitude to John Horne, of the National Baseball Library, for all of his excellent research; to our editor, Keith Wallman, for his unflagging enthusiasm and support; to our project editor, Meredith Dias, for her diligence and professionalism; and to our agent, Doug Grad, for his passion and belief in this book from the beginning.

  We also send a special shout-out to Jack Davis, one of America’s most famous cartoonists and illustrators, whose artwork has graced all the Hall of Shame books. At the age of 86, Jack came out of semi-retirement­ to create the hilarious cover for this book. We are honored to have such a remarkable talent—a member of the Comic Book Hall of Fame and the Society of Illustrators Hall of Fame—on our team.

  Finally, we wish to acknowledge the “curator” for our previous Hall of Shame books, the late Bernie Ward. He was instrumental in uncovering many of the vintage stories that appear in this book. Bernie will always be part of The Baseball Hall of Shame™.

  FROM COOPERSTOWN TO BLOOPERSTOWN

  In baseball, there is just no end to shame.

  We’re not talking about steroid use and performance-enhancing drugs, player suspensions and superstar confessions, congressional hearings and federal trials. No, the shame we’re talking about is the flip side of Major League Baseball—the bloopers, blunders, and boneheaded plays that make us laugh.

  In our Baseball Hall of Shame™ series, published between 1985 and 1992, we chronicled more than 100 years of baseball goofs and gaffes. As historians of the offbeat side of sports, we paid homage to the Major Leagues’ zaniest characters, funniest plays, and head-scratchingest moments. For example, in true Hall of Shame fashion, Chicago Cubs outfielder Lou “The Mad Russian” Novikoff insisted that his wife taunt him from the stands because it made him a better hitter. Another classic Hall of Shamer was New York Yankees outfielder and famed trencher­man Ping Bodie, who took on Percy the ostrich in the heavyweight ­spaghetti-eating championship of the world and beat the bird in the 11th round. Then, there’s Philadelphia Phillies batter Richie Ashburn, who hit a screaming foul ball into the stands that smacked a grandmother in the face and then, as she was being carried out on a stretcher, whacked another foul ball that struck her again! And don’t forget pitcher Burleigh Grimes. He was so furious at Goose Goslin for getting a hit off him that three innings later he threw a beanball at Goslin—while Goose was still standing in the on-deck circle!

  Although we stopped writing the Hall of Shame series to pursue separate interests, our love for baseball—especially the game’s wacky side—never waned. Much to our delight, the national pastime has continued to provide fans with a never-ending supply of embarrassingly nutty moments. Whether he’s an All-Star or a journeyman, every ballplayer is capable on any given day of a goofy misplay.

  Over the years, we have, in our own individual ways, shared many of our favorite Hall of Shame stories with a whole new generation. Bruce has been regaling young fans a
t Dodger Stadium with classic accounts of shame. Allan has, too, with his grandchildren, nieces, and nephews, and with kids playing Cal Ripken Baseball in Tallahassee, Florida, and Asheville, North Carolina.

  So it was only a matter of time before we decided to return with another irreverent volume that not only picks up where we left off 20 years ago but also celebrates the national pastime’s all-time craziest moments: The Baseball Hall of Shame™: The Best of Blooperstown.

  If our selection process seems totally subjective to you, that’s because it is. However, we did have certain standards that all inductees had to meet. For each incident, we asked ourselves such questions as: Is it true? Does it make us laugh? Is it so outrageous that we shake our heads in disbelief? Does it make a good yarn? If the answer was yes to all those questions, then the incident had an excellent chance of making the cut.

  We were after the “wow!” factor. Like, “Are you kidding me? That really happened? Oh, wow!” As a result, you won’t find a whole lot of statistics highlighting the worst in batting, fielding, and pitching. You can go to a record book or encyclopedia for that kind of information. What we tried to chronicle was the human element behind those stats—the unintended, hilarious, red-faced moments when a player, manager, coach, or fan screwed up in a funny way or did something else that would make you laugh.

  We also favored little-known stories over the widely-known ones. That’s why you won’t read about Eddie Gaedel. As most every fan knows, St. Louis Browns owner Bill Veeck sent the 3-foot-7 little person up to bat in a 1951 game for laughs, and Gaedel walked in his only plate appearance. But you will read about Kitty Burke, the brassy nightclub singer who caused an uproar when she “pinch-hit” during a 1935 game between the Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals.

  Among the criteria for induction into The Baseball Hall of Shame™: The Best of Blooperstown was that the shame-worthy incident had to occur during a Major League game or happen to a Major League player. It broke our hearts to reject some great stories, but we had to because they took place in the minors. Take for instance, Clarence “Climax” Blethen, who kept his false teeth in his back pocket when he played for the Knoxville Smokies in 1933. Once, while sliding into second, he felt his choppers clamp down on his butt. In every way possible, Blethen was nipped at second. We learned of a prank pulled by fun-loving jokester Casey Stengel when he was an outfielder for the Montgomery (Alabama) Rebels in 1912. During a game, he hid in an underground irrigation box in left field. Minutes later, when a batter hit a fly ball to left, Stengel reached out from the box and made the catch.

  We fans can debate in ballparks, sports bars, and man caves all the merits and demerits of those who may deserve induction into the hallowed halls of Blooperstown as well as Cooperstown. But there’s one thing we can all agree on: As long as there is baseball, there will always be zany moments—because fame and shame are part of the game.

  OPENING DAZE

  For the Most Embarrassing Opening Day Debacles

  of All Time, The Baseball Hall of Shame™ Inducts:

  FRANKIE ZAK

  Shortstop · Pittsburgh, NL · April 17, 1945

  No one wanted to be in Frankie Zak’s shoes after his untied shoelaces cost his team an Opening Day victory.

  Playing against the Reds in Cincinnati, the Pittsburgh Pirates were leading 1–0 in the top of the fifth inning when Zak, the Pirates shortstop, beat out a bunt, putting runners on first and second. Moments later, just as Reds pitcher Bucky Walters went into his stretch, Zak noticed that his shoe was untied and called for time. First base umpire Ziggy Sears waved his arms in an attempt to halt play, but his signal wasn’t seen by Walters, plate umpire George Barr, or batter Jim Russell.

  Walters threw the pitch and Russell clouted it into the right field bleachers for what he thought was a three-run homer. “I was feeling pretty damn good about it,” Russell recalled. “But when I got to first base, Ziggy was holding up his hands and shaking his head and telling me to go back to the plate. I said, ‘What the hell is wrong?’ And he said, ‘I called time, Jim. The homer doesn’t count.’

  “I hollered and [Pirates manager] Frankie Frisch argued, but there was nothing we could do about it. Through it all, Zak just stood on first shaking his head in shame.”

  Once Zak tied his shoe, Russell returned to the plate, but he couldn’t duplicate his feat, although he did hit a single to drive in the only Pirates run of the inning. That was little consolation for Pittsburgh. Scoring only one fifth-inning run instead of three—thanks to Zak’s untied shoe—the Pirates ended up losing 7–6 in 11 innings.

  “I’ll always remember we lost a game that we should have won on that homer,” Russell said. “Zak kept apologizing so I couldn’t get too mad at him.”

  The same couldn’t be said for their manager. The next day, Frisch walked over to Zak’s locker and handed him a package. “What’s this?” asked the surprised shortstop.

  “Buckle-up shoes,” Frisch replied with a scowl. “I don’t want to see you out there calling time to tie your damn shoes anymore.”

  EBBETS FIELD OPENING CEREMONIES

  April 9, 1913

  From the day of its birth, there was little doubt that Ebbets Field—home of the Brooklyn Dodgers (then known as the Superbas)—would be the scene of some of the daffiest moments in baseball history.

  The crowd at the first Opening Day ceremonies of Charles Ebbets’s new playground was treated to a preview of the Flatbush Follies that would be on display there off and on for nearly half a century.

  Thousands of fans started lining up at dawn to get seats. They waited and waited and waited. That’s because the ballpark’s superintendent had forgotten the key to the front gate. An official rushed home for a spare key while the throng continued to hang on.

  Once the gates swung open, the fans poured into the ballpark, ogling and admiring all the features. But the builder had neglected one thing—there was no press box. So the grousing sportswriters had to cover the big event from the grandstand.

  Finally, the band struck up patriotic songs and the dignitaries and players started their march to center field for the flag-raising ceremony. But Charles Ebbets suddenly disrupted the procession by dropping to his knees behind second base to search in the grass for the 15 cents that he had dropped. Hot dog magnate Harry Stevens, who was walking with him, kindly offered to help Ebbets search for the coins. But Ebbets, a penny-pincher, waved him off in alarm, saying, “No, I don’t want you to help me. You might find them.”

  Ebbets eventually rejoined the procession as it arrived at its destination. Bursting with pride, the owner turned to an aide and said, “The flag, please.”

  With his face turning red, the aide replied, “Sorry, Charlie, we forgot the flag.”

  KIRK GIBSON

  Right Fielder · Detroit, AL · April 9, 1981

  In the most humiliating game of his storied career, Kirk Gibson got bonked on the head twice with fly balls. And it happened on, of all days, the first Opening Day that he played in front of the hometown crowd.

  Gibson, who made his Major League debut at the end of the 1979 season, had experienced his first Opening Day in 1980, but that had been on the road. Not until 1981 did he play a season opener at home.

  “I was really looking forward to Opening Day,” Gibson recalled. “It’s like a holiday in Detroit. Everybody takes off work and goes to the game. You can’t get another person in the stadium, and everybody there expects the Tigers to win.”

  Throughout spring training, the 23-year-old outfielder had been working out in left and center field in preparation for the coming season.

  “I walked into the clubhouse, knowing I was going to start in my first Opening Day game [in Detroit],” he recalled. “I figured I would be playing either left or center field. When I looked at the lineup card, I couldn’t believe it. There was a nine beside my name. I
had to play right field.

  “‘Oh, God,’ I thought. ‘It’s an afternoon game, there’s not a cloud in the sky, and Tiger Stadium is one of the worst places in the early spring to play right field in the day.’ I went to [manager] Sparky Anderson and said, ‘I think you’ve made a mistake in the lineup.’ And Sparky said, ‘No, I didn’t. I know you can play right field.’ Having the big ego that I do, I said, ‘Sure I can.’”

  But it just wasn’t Gibson’s day in the sun.

  The first ball hit to him came in the second inning on a deep fly swatted by the Toronto Blue Jays’ Willie Upshaw. Gibson misplayed it off his head for what the official scorer charitably ruled a standup triple.

  “I kept going back, back, back until I was against the wall,” Gibson recalled. “I lost it in the sun, and the ball whacked right off the side of my head and bounced back toward the infield. I was so embarrassed. I began to hear some boos.”

  In the next inning, with Toronto’s Lloyd Moseby on third and one out, John Mayberry hit a soft shallow line drive to right. Gibson broke late, then charged the ball and caught it off his shoe tops. Moseby tagged up and sprinted for home. Gibson would have had a play at the plate, but as he got in position to throw, he dropped the ball.

  “They really started to boo me—even when I came to bat,” recalled Gibson, who grounded into a force-out at second base during his next at-bat. “When I returned to the outfield, I kept thinking, ‘Oh, man, don’t hit another one out here to me.’”